MARCH - 2010

On Tuesday afternoon, February 2, I was walking in front of Julia’s house when her school bus stopped and she descended from it. We exchanged a few words, and then I commented that there really wasn’t much snow on the ground with which to make a snowman. I guess that she felt challenged, so she started to compact snow with her bare hands to make the body of a snowman. As she worked and played, she talked and I listened, as usual. “Mr. L,” she asked, “Do you like Lattice?” – at least I think that is what she said. “I don’t know,” I responded, “What’s her last name?” Julia giggled and informed me that Lattice is a new form of math.

Then becoming aware that her hands were freezing, Julia dashed to her backpack that she had thrown onto the porch, and retrieved a pair of gloves. “I think better with my gloves on,” she informed me. “You mean that warm hands help you to have good ideas,” I responded. She looked at me quizzically, and asked, “Are there ideas that are not good?” “Yes,” I responded. She dropped the subject, while I froze in the 23 degree temperature for the next twenty minutes as she made a snowman about 2 feet tall.

Then Victoria Jaryi, her friend, approached and began to make a snowball. Julia quickly responded and the battle was on. It was high in adventure and excited giggles as they, most ladylike, threw snowballs at her other’s legs. Heaven forbid that any snowball be tossed at their pretty faces and well-groomed hair. Soon Vita’s school bus arrived and as she and Bodan descended from it, I heard shouts of “snowman, snowman.” I departed slowly and a bit sadly, as the four of them played and I felt that I was no longer wanted. But I turned around and Julia gave me a hearty wave and shouted, “Bye Mr. L.” Oh, what fun!

HUMOR

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, “The choir was awful this morning.” The father commented, “The sermon was too long.” Their seven year old daughter added, “But you’ve got to admit that it was a pretty good show for a dollar.”

An absent-minded professor was on board a train and he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, “Take it easy, you’ll find it.” Later the conductor returned and the professor still hadn’t found his ticket. “Don’t worry,” the conductor said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.” “You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.”

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.

A little girl just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she told her mother. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk.”

A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to work around the house like he used to. Then after examining him, his doctor told him, “Well, I find nothing wrong with you. The fact is, you’re just plain lazy.” “O.K.” the man said. “Now can you define this medical condition I have, if possible, in Latin terms, so I can tell my wife?”

Fat man to doctor: “The reason I can’t lose weight is that I have metal fillings in my teeth and the refrigerator magnets keep pulling me into the kitchen.”

THANKFULNESS

“I give thanks for the beauty of colors, for the harmony of sounds, for the pleasantness of odors.” - Thomas Traherne (1636-1674)

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” - Marcel Proust

“Do not complain that there are thorns on roses. Be thankful there are roses on thorns.” - Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887)

“I thank God more for friends than for my daily bread – for friendship is the bread of my heart.” - Mary Mitford (1787-1855)

BASKET OF APPLES “Come, come my beloved And sympathize with me, Receive the little basket, And the blessing so free.” - A Shaker woman

“For truly, the greatest of all external blessings it is to be able to lean your heart against another heart, faithful, tender, true, and tried, and record with a thankfulness that years deepen instead of diminishing, ‘I have got a friend!’” - Dinah Maria Mulock Craik (1826-1887)

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it, is like wrapping a gift and not giving it.” - John Greenleaf Whittier (1807-1892)

“He who receives a good turn, should never forget it: he who does one, should never remember it.” - Anonymous

“Though small the gift to thee I send, Acceptance let it meet, For even trifles from a friend, In friendship’s eyes are sweet.” - ibid.

QUOTATIONS

“Every day people are straying away from church and going back to God.” - L. Bruce

“A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books.” - Walt Whitman

“Every exit is an entrance [to] somewhere else.” - Tom Stoppard

“Teach us to delight in simple things, And mirth that has no bitter springs; Forgiveness free of evil done, And to love all men ‘neath the sun.” - Rudyard Kipling

“When fate hands us a lemon, let’s try to make lemonade.” - D. Carnegie

“We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden.” - Goethe

“We have committed the Golden Rule to memory; let us now commit it to life.” - Edwin Markham

“Better fare hard with good men than feast with bad.” - Thomas Fuller

“Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on.” - Henry Burton

“Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.” - Henry Ford

“Better shun the bait, than struggle in the snare.” - John Dryden

“Don’t be afraid to take a big step when one is indicated. You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” - David Lloyd George

HUMOR

Three, not very intelligent, men were walking in the forest when they spotted a set of tracks. One man says, “Hey, deer tracks.” Another man says, “No, dog tracks.” The third man says, “You’re both crazy, they’re cow tracks.” They were still arguing when the train hit them.

I’m so stupid I thought that Thailand was a men’s clothing store.

When I hear someone say, “I’m not book smart but I am street wise,” I interpret it as “I’m not really intelligent, I just think I am.”

I am so old that when I went into an antique store, they kept me.

Also I am so unlucky that when I stepped on a crack, I broke my back.

“Our next speaker is a fine man. It’s hard to exaggerate his accomplishments, but I’ll do my best.” - Anonymous

A man was run over by a steamroller. He is in the hospital in rooms 38 to 44.

Jim, fresh out of accounting school, went to an interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked him several questions and then asked him, “What is three times seven?” “22” Jim replied. After he left he realized his error and knew that he would not get the job. However two weeks later he received a letter informing him that he got the job. The next day, he went in to work and asked the boss why he got the job when he had made such a foolish math error. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

CATECHISM

ANC

Published in 1917 by the Academy Book Room this book was authored by Rev. Carl Th. Odhner. It was used as a text to teach young people of the New Church. Here are some quotes:

Thou shalt not Kill…. [The desire to murder] comes from the deepest hells, and looks to the destruction of the entire human race. For this reason it is placed first among the evils forbidden in the second table of the Decalogue….To kill, in a moral sense, is to injure the good name and honor of our neighbor by tale-bearing, gossip, and slander….Spiritually, it means to destroy the spiritual life of men by persuading and seducing them away from faith in the Lord and from the life of religion.

Thou shalt not commit Adultery…. The marriage of one man with one woman is the jewel of human life and the sacred shrine of the Christian Religion. From its Divine and heavenly origin conjugial love is good and true, pure and beautiful, useful and holy, above every other love among angels and men, and into it are gathered all the joys and delights of human happiness from the first to last…. Adultery is the complex of all the evils forbidden in the Decalogue, for an adulterer not only covets his neighbor’s wife, but is at the same time a deceiver and liar, a thief, a murderer of innocence and virtue, a breaker of Divine and human law, a profaner of what is holy, and a worshipper of self.

PRAYER

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” - A child’s prayer

“O Lord, thou knowest how busy I must be this day: if I forget thee, do not thou forget me.” - Sir Jacob Astley

“The light of God surrounds me; The love of God enfolds me; The power of God protects me; The presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is.” - Anon (Prayer of Protection)

“My God, I love you.” - St. Therese of Lisieux on her deathbed.

“God help us to live simply: To move slowly: To look softly: To allow emptiness: To let the heart create for us. Amen.” - Michael Leunig

“Grant me to recognize in other men, Lord God, the radiance of your own face.” - Teilhard De Chardin

“Precious Lord, take my hand. Lead me on. Let me stand. I am tired. I am weak. I am worn. Through the storm, Through the night, Lead me on to the light. Take my hand, precious Lord, and lead me home.” - African-American Spiritual

“God be in my head, and in my understanding; God be in my eyes, and in my looking; God be in my mouth, and in my speaking; God be in my heart and in my thinking; God be at my end, and at my departing.” - Sarum Primer

VARIOUS THOUGHTS

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” - Dalai Lama

“The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1.” - Anon.

“Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” - Nathaniel Hawthorne

It’s important to have twinkles in your wrinkles.

The fundamental job of a toddler is to RULE the universe.

Families are like fudge – mostly sweet but with a few nuts.

Never look down your nose at anybody unless you’re helping them up.

Some airlines are now putting mistletoe at the baggage counter. That way you are encouraged to kiss your luggage goodbye.

Do not be afraid of your difficulties, do not wish you could be in other circumstances than you are, for when you have made the best of an adversity it often becomes a steppingstone to a wonderful opportunity.

If anyone has hurt me or harmed me knowingly or unknowingly in thought, word, or deed, I freely forgive them. And I too ask forgiveness if I have hurt anyone or harmed anyone knowingly or unknowingly in thought, word, or deed. - Buddhist Prayer

HUMOR

A band performing at an outdoor concert kept playing although the crowd had dwindled down to one man. Finally, the tired musicians told the man that if he left, they could all go home. “It’s up to you,” he answered. “I’m just waiting to put away all these plastic folding chairs.”

Liz went to her first show at an art gallery and looked at the paintings. One was a huge canvas that had black and yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. Another painting was a murky gray color that had drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walked over to the artist and said, “I don’t understand your paintings.” “I paint what I feel inside me,” he explained. Liz asked, “Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Later he took his son to attend church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, “PLAY BALL.”

DEFINITIONS: