JUNE - 2010

EDITORIAL.

SOME FEMININE RESPONSES

Recently I was visiting a neighbor who had just had the exterior of her house cleaned and her chimney painted. I commented to her that now her home was attractive to her visitors. She immediately responded, with playful taunting in her voice, “Do you mean that it was not attractive before?”

A few days later, as Dorothy was about to leave for work, I noticed her fine clothes. I said to her, “I see that you upgraded your clothes today.” She immediately responded, “Do you mean that the other clothes that I wear to work are shabby?” I gave her a big hug and she departed for work.

About a week after these two experiences Julia and I were standing on the border of our two properties. She said, “Do you want to come over to my house to play?” I responded that I could in about 10 minutes. She responded, “Well, I think I may not be free to play then.” What?

Later I mentioned this to Julia’s mom and she told me: Recently her family was in church and after the service Vita approached the priest and asked him if he could bless her again. He did so. (I guess that this is done with the sprinkling of holy water.) Then he congratulated Julia on her fine performance at the service – probably singing and reciting. He asked her if she could do so again at a future service. She responded, “If I can fit it into my schedule.” (I think that feminine minds see wisdom in keeping us males off-balance; to let us know that our observations are less than omniscient and that we really should not make golden calves of our own intellectual views of reality. Our love to you.)

HUMOR

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. “How do you know what to say?” he asked. “Why, God tells me,” the clergyman replied. “Oh,” said his son. “Then why do you keep crossing out words?”

A four-year old boy went with his parents to dine at the home of an elderly gentleman. After watching the old man bow his head quite low and speak in a low voice at the dinner table, the boy asked his mother, “What did Mr. Bryan say to his plate?”

An elderly couple took their five-year old grandson to church on Sunday morning. His grandmother had to sing in the choir, so she gave her grandson a quarter to poke his grandfather in the ribs if he fell asleep during the sermon. However grandpa slept through most of the service. Grandma noticed and after the service she asked her grandson why he had not followed her instructions. The boy replied, “Grandpa gave me 50 cents not to wake him.”

A man who wanted to sing in church wondered if he should inquire.

I would like to change and improve my financial situation but I just can’t budge it.

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of a hospital just before his operation. Someone asked him, “What’s the matter?” He replied, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry. I’m sure it will be all right.’” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?” “She was talking to the doctor.”

JUNE

“If a June night could talk, it would probably boast that it invented romance.”- B. Williams

“Oh, my luve’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June;
Oh, my luve’s like the melodie
That’s sweetly played in tune.”

- Robert Burns

QUOTATIONS

“Brevity is the soul of wit.” - Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act 2, scene 2)

“Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.” - Confucius

“Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises.” - Demosthenes

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.” - Muhammed Ali

“You cannot raise a man up by calling him down.” - William Boetcker

“What comes from the heart goes to the heart.” - Samuel T. Coleridge

“Say all you have to say in the fewest possible words, or your reader will be sure to skip them; and in the plainest words or he will certainly misunderstand them.” - John Ruskin

“Do not accustom yourself to use big words for little matters.” - Samuel Johnson

“Work smarter, not harder.” - Ron Carswell

PRAYER

“O heavenly Father, I praise and thank you – For the peace of the night, I praise and thank you for this new day. I praise and thank you for all your goodness and faithfulness throughout my life. You have granted me many blessings: Now let me accept tribulation from your hand. You will not lay on me more than I can bear. You make all things work together for good for your children.” - Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945)

(Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a German Lutheran pastor. He was imprisoned and executed for his opposition to Adolf Hitler.)

“O Lord, help us to turn and seek you; for you have not forsaken your creatures as we have forsaken you, our Creator. Let us turn and seek you, for we know you are here in our hearts, when we confess to you, when we cast ourselves upon you, and weep in your bosom, after all our rugged ways; and you gently wipe away our tears, and we weep the more for joy; because you, Lord, who made us, do remake us and comfort us.” - St. Augustine (354-430)

“O Lord, with whom are strength and wisdom, put forth your strength, I implore you, for your own sake and for our sakes, and stand up to help us; for we are deceivable and weak persons, frail and brief, unstable and afraid, unless you put the might of your Holy Spirit within us.” - Christina Rossetti (1830-1894)

SILLY HUMOR

DOROTHY HUMOR: (Fractured nursery rhymes)

Humpty-Dumpty sat on the wall.
Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses
and all the king’s men said,
“Oh boy, scrambled eggs for breakfast.”

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill said, “Serves you right, stupid.”

MORE DOROTHY HUMOR:

“Did you hear the story about the pony and the lobster?” “No.” “I didn’t either.”

CHILDREN’S HUMOR

How does the Lone Ranger keep his horse so shiny? - Silver polish

Why can’t Smokey go to the movies? No one with bear feet is allowed.

If your aunt is very old, what do you call her? - Antique

If your aunt was always cold would you call her anti-freeze?

If your aunt ran off to get married would you call her antelope?

SENIOR HUMOR

One of the good things about Alzheimer’s disease is that you get to meet new people every day.

Senior comment: “I’d rather be over the hill than under it.”

LAMBERTVILLE N.J.

On Saturday April 24th, as Dorothy and I entered Lambertville, we noticed unusually large groups of people wandering the streets. Then we saw a sign hanging across the main street, stating that this was Shad Fest weekend. There were probably two to three thousand tourists there, to which we added two more bodies. Tents were set up on the streets from which artists and various vendors were trying to sell their wares. Children walked around with painted faces, and a paddle-wheel boat took tourists for rides on the Delaware River.

After an hour of walking, I looked for a place to sit down. I spotted a bench, in front of the First Presbyterian Church, and claimed it. Dorothy wanted to go through a large, three-story antique store. So for the next half hour, I sat and watched the flow of people.

In front of this church there were two long tables on which were paper cups of juice and something to munch on, which looked like Cheerios. The pastor was a thin man perhaps 65 years old who stood behind the tables. Soon another man, woman and child caught his attention. This tourist introduced himself to the pastor, stating that he too was a minister. He looked, externally, quite masculine –athletic stance, some facial hair, and a gold earring in his left ear lobe. He introduced his wife, and obviously adopted Chinese daughter, who was about 11 years old.

Then he began, I dare say, to spout New Testament doctrine to the pastor of the Presbyterian Church. He presented himself as a “know-it-all”, an enlightener for humanity. This scene brought to my mind, the words, “glamour boy.”

Now in reflection I recall my friend, Doris Pendleton (Mrs. Philip Pendleton), who, several times, referred to a new popular man in Bryn Athyn as the latest edition of a “glamour boy.” (This phrase is probably the masculine form of the “glamour girl” of the 1940’s, a lady like Rita Hayworth or Betty Grable.)

I can still see Doris’s face as she, with a very knowing look in her eyes, commented that here comes another glamour boy into town. I knew then and now know of the reality of these shallow fellows. What they seem to have in common is a certain handsomeness, apparently endless enthusiasm for the New Church and, I suspect, all the characteristics of stony ground upon which seeds grow but are rootless. (Matthew 13:5) Indeed these fellows are charming; rather charismatic. The problem is that often they are offered good jobs in BA and when those under their influence to do not dance to the tune these newcomers hum, anger arises. Some people are fired and sooner or later, the false servant hits the road and leaves town in a hurry. Think how painful it would be for a former glamour boy when, as the years go by, he again and again would meet those whom he has grievously offended. Ouch and double ouch. Anyway, I have observed, that such fellows do depart and our small town survives. Real servants of uses here keep our foundations healthy, thank the Lord.

SPIRITUAL REALITY

“God has given you a spirit with wings on which to soar into the spacious firmament of Love and Freedom.” - Kahlil Gibran

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without words,
And never stops at all.”

- Emily Dickinson

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

“Angels appear in classical myth and philosophy, in the vision of Shamans, in Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Zoroastrianism, and Islam, as well as Judaism and Christianity. In all traditions, angels serve as messengers of God and are said to hover between heaven and earth.” - Gail Harvey

“Behold, I send an Angel before thee, to keep thee in the way, and to bring thee into the place which I have prepared.” - Exodus 23:20

HUMAN LIFE

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” - Robert Muller

“A mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy.” - Charles Fillmore

“Of all things you wear, your expression is the most important.” - J. Lane

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” - Norman MacEwan

“In the final analysis, we must love in order not to fall ill.” - S. Freud

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas Edison

“Look at what you have left, not at what you have lost.” - Robert Schuller

“Negative emotions will not harm you if you express them appropriately and then let them go. Bottling them up is far worse.” - Joan Borysenko

“The strangest and most fantastic fact about negative emotions is that people actually worship them.” - P.D. Ouspensky

“To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it" - Confucius

HUMOR

My two-year-old cousin scared us one day by disappearing during our lakeside vacation. More than a dozen relatives searched the forest and shoreline, and everyone was relieved when we found Matthew playing calmly in the woods. “Listen to me Matthew,” his mother said sharply. “From now on when you want to go someplace, you tell Mommy first, okay?” Matthew thought about that and said, “Okay, Disney World.”

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50:

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room on each side. Then with a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a little bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and eventually you can lift a 100 –lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight out for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.) After you feel confident at this level, put a potato in each bag.

SENIOR HUMOR:

Some people may believe that life begins at 50 but then everything else begins to wear out, fall out and spread out.

You know you are old when your whole day is full of senior moments.