FEBRUARY - 2010
CLEVER COMMENTS
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” - Anne Bancroft
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” - B. Hope
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” - Henny Youngman
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” - Anonymous
“If you don’t know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else.” - Berra
“It’s frustrating when you know all the answers and nobody bothers to ask you any questions.” - Anonymous
“I told my dad that I stopped raising hell and he called me a quitter.” - ibid.
“The hardest years are those between ten and ninety.” - ibid.
“Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.” - ibid.
HEART PRINTS
I will copy parts of this poem, by an unknown author, in a form as follows:
“Whatever our hands touch we leave fingerprints on. On walls, on furniture, on door knobs, dishes and books. As we touch we leave our identity. Oh please wherever I go today, help me to leave heart prints. Heart prints of compassion, understanding and love. Heart prints of kindness and genuine concern. May my heart touch a lonely neighbor….I shall go out today to leave heart prints….”
WINTER
“Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” - Victor Hugo
“O, Wind, if Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?” - Percy Bysshe Shelly
“Like the seeds dreaming beneath the snow, your heart dreams of spring.” - Gibran
“Even in the winter, in the midst of the storm, the sun is still there. Somewhere above the clouds, it still shines and warms and pulls at the life buried deep inside the brown branches and frozen earth.” - Gloria Gaither
“If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.” - A. Bradstreet
“We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter’s evening. Some of us let those great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true.” - Woodrow Wilson
“The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.“ - Robert Frost (1923)
COMMENTS BY ANONYMOUS PERSONS
No matter the hurt, the time will come to forgive.
Start everything with the end in mind.
You don’t have to do everything NOW.
Life ain’t fair. Get over it.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
As long as you are alive, it is never too late to start over.
We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.
Treat everyone you meet with the same respect that you would like them to give to you.
When you get angry it is probably because you didn’t get your way.
Ignorance is temporary; stupid is forever.
Pettiness is a waste of time.
When you hate, the person that suffers is you because most of the people you hate don’t even know it.
Part of me is what it is because of your influence.
Depression is often the result of unrealistic expectations. Lower your expectations and you’ll find yourself happier in life.
Notice beautiful things, however trivial. I bring flowers to work to remind me of this.
Never stop loving or lose your curiosity.
AMERICAN INDIAN THOUGHTS
“What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.” - Chief Crowfoot (c. 1830-1890)
(This Blackfoot Indian warrior fought in 19 battles and was wounded many times. His comments do ring true when, occasionally, we look at our lives and are astonished at how much of our time on earth lies behind us.)
“When you are in doubt, be still, and wait; when doubt no longer exists in you, then go forward with courage. So long as the mists envelop you, be still; be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists – as it surely will. Then act with courage.” - Chief White Eagle (Died in 1914)
There is no death, only a change of worlds. - Duwamish
Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture your heart. - Indian Saying
Those who lie down with dogs, get up with fleas. - Blackfoot
It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache
Force, no matter how concealed, begets resistance. - Lakota
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave. - Dakota
ANGELS
“Make friends with angels.” - St. Augustine
“We are like children, who stand in need of masters to enlighten us and direct us, and God has provided for this by appointing his angels to be our teachers and guides.” - St. Thomas Aquinas
“The farther we go along the path of God, the more angels we shall encounter.” - H.C. Moolenburgh
“Be an angel to someone else whenever you can, as a way of thanking God for the help your angel has given you.” - Eileen Elias Freeman
“Individual guardian, guiding angels attend at least some of our ways and hover protectively over our lives.” - Billy Graham
“Everyone, no matter how humble he may be, has angels to watch over him. They are heavenly, pure and splendid, and yet they have been given us to keep us company on our way; they have been given the task of keeping careful watch over you.” - Pope Pius XII
“Out of every earth day, make a bit of heaven.” - Ella Wheeler Wilcox
“There have been times when I have fallen asleep in tears; but in my dreams the most charming forms have come to cheer me, and I have risen fresh and joyful.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“Angels are…the bridge between heaven and earth.” - Megan McKenna
“Angels exist in almost every culture and religion. Not only do people of various social, cultural, and economic backgrounds believe in angels, many of them have had angelic experiences. The different cultures may not always categorize them as angels, but they do believe in real spirits that guard and aid people in times of need.” - Constance V. Briggs
SENIOR HUMOR
I am so old that the candles on my birthday cake raised the earth’s temperature by three degrees.
I am so old that when I walked into an antique shop they wanted to sell me.
A doctor tells his patient, “Well, I have good news and I have bad news.” The patient says, “Tell me the bad news.” “You have Alzheimer’s disease,” the doctor answers. “So what is the good news?” the patient asks. “You can go home and forget about it.”
I am suffering from Mallzheimer’s disease. I go to the mall and then forget where I parked my car.
Sometimes I feel old enough to be my father.
There are three signs of getting older. The first is loss of memory. I forget the other two.
It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.
You know you’re getting older when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
MERCY
“I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice.” - A. Lincoln
“Teach me to feel another’s woe, To hide the fault I see: That mercy I to others show, That mercy show to me.” - Alexander Pope
“May God in his mercy enable us without obstinacy to perceive our errors.” - Michael Servetus
“And all must love the human form, In heathen, Turk or Jew; where mercy, Love and Pity dwell, There God is dwelling too.” - William Blake (Songs of Innocence)
QUOTATIONS FROM EMANUEL SWEDENBORG
Moreover regarded in itself charity itself does not become charity until it comes into act and becomes work. For to love any one , and not do him good when we have the power, is not to love him; but to do him good when we have the power, and to do it from our hearts, this is to love him…. As the angels who are in heaven are in good from the Lord, they long for nothing more than to perform uses.
[In heaven]… no one desires to be master and thereby to look upon another as a servant; but everyone desires to minister to and to serve others.
Man cannot be in humiliation, nor consequently can he receive the Lord’s mercy…unless he acknowledges that there is nothing but evil from himself, and that all good is from the Lord.
Let everyone think within himself whether truth would be anything unless it had life for the end. What are doctrinal things without this end? And what [are] the precepts of the Decalogue without a life according to them?
It is a universal law that influx adjusts itself to efflux, and if efflux is checked influx is checked. Through the internal man there is an influx of good and truth from the Lord, and through the external there must be an efflux, namely into the life, that is, in the exercise of charity.
Without communication with heaven and hell, man could not live even a moment.
For when a man dies, he does not die, but only lays aside the body which had served him for use in the world, and he passes into the other life in a body which serves him for use there.
(These quotations are from the Arcana Coelestia, volume 8.)
WORDS
AMERICAN AND ENGLISH WORDS:
Apartment = flat, baby carriage = pram, cookie = biscuit, elevator = lift, flashlight = torch, gas = petrol, and highway = motorway.
LESS THAN ACCURATE WORDS:
Boxing ring – the fighting area is square, not round, like a ring.
Eggplant – there is no egg in eggplant.
Hamburger – there is no ham in hamburger.
Hot dog – there is no dog [one hopes] in the sausage inserted in a bread roll.
Pineapple – there is neither apple nor pine in a pineapple.
POOR WRITING:
I KNOW A MAN WITH A WOODEN LEG NAMED SMITH. Well, is the man’s name Smith or did he call his wooden leg Smith?
VISITING RELATIVES CAN BE BORING. Indeed, but are they visiting us or are we visiting them?
WE WILL SELL GASOLINE TO PEOPLE IN A PLASTIC CONTAINER. No explanation needed.
HUMOR: Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seems to go hand in hand today. I wasn’t surprised when one of my daughter’s friends showed me a delicate Japanese symbol on her hip. “Please don’t tell my parents,” she begged. “If they ask if I have a tattoo, say ‘No’.” I agreed and then asked her what the symbol meant. “Honesty,” she said.
WILLIAM COWPER (1731-1800)
Light Shining Out of Darkness is one of Mr. Cowper’s hymns from which I shall present several verses in a manner as follows:
God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform; He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm. (Verse 1)
Judge not the LORD by feeble sense, But trust him for his grace; Behind a frowning providence, He hides a smiling face. (Verse 4)
His purposes will ripen fast, Unfolding ev’ry hour; The bud may have a bitter taste, But sweet will be the flow’r. (Verse 5)
Blind unbelief is sure to err, And scan his work in vain; GOD is his own interpreter, And he will make it plain. (Verse 6)
Here are some more of William Cowper’s thoughts:
“No one was ever scolded out of their [his] sins.”
“Thus happiness depends, as nature shows, less on exterior things than most suppose.”
“A fool must now and then be right, by chance.”
“Absence of occupation is not rest; A mind quite vacant is a mind distressed.”
“Nature is a good name for an effect whose cause is God.”
“The innocent rarely find an uncomfortable pillow.”
“Glory, built on selfish principles, is shame and guilt.”
“Man may dismiss compassion from his heart, but God never will.”
WORRY
“It ain’t no use putting up your umbrella till it rains!” - Alice Caldwell Rice
“Worry doesn’t help tomorrow’s troubles, but it can ruin today’s happiness.” - Anonymous
“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.” - John Lubbock
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” - Anonymous
TRUST
“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.” - Henry L. Stimson
REALITY
“There is often a big disparity between the way in which we perceive things and the way things really are.” - Dalai Lama
“But in the end all religions tend to point to the same light. In between the light and us, sometimes there are too many rules.” - Paulo Coelho
CHANGE
“Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat.” - Caroline Schoeder
“Nothing is easy to the unwilling.” - Thomas Fuller
HUMOR
I am so dumb:
I stole a free sample.
I tripped over a cordless phone.
I blinked and got lost.
I went to an antique store and asked, “What’s new?”
I sold my car for gas money.
When I heard that it was chilly outside, I got a bowl.
BUMPER STICKERS:
I are proud to be a college student.
Hang up your phone and drive carefully.
Contrary to popular belief, Nobody owes you a living.
CAUTION: I drive like you.
We’re not old people. We’re recycled teenagers.
ETERNITY: Smoking or Non-Smoking?
I’m so fat:
I can’t even jump to a conclusion.
I need a sock for each toe.
I have more chins than a Chinese phone book.