AUGUST - 2010

FAIRIES

“When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.” - From Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

“Come fairies take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.” - W.B. Yeats

“If you want your children to be brilliant, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be geniuses, read them more fairy tales.” - Albert Einstein

“Spread your wings and let the fairy in you fly!” - Anonymous

“Just living is not enough” said the butterfly fairy, “one must have sunshine, freedom and a flower.” - Hans Christian Anderson

“…enchanted worlds still exist because the child within us never dies. The doorways may be more obscure, but we can still seek them out. There are still noble adventures to undertake. There are still trees that speak and caverns that lead to nether realms. There will always be faeries and elves within nature because they will always be dancing within our hearts.” - Ted Andrews

“If we open our minds to enjoyment, we might find tranquil pleasures spread about us on every side. We might live with the angels that visit us on every sunbeam, and sit with the fairies who wait on every flower.” - Samuel Smiles

SILLY HUMOR

Doctor, Doctor, the first thirty minutes that I’m up every morning I feel dizzy, what should I do? Get up half an hour later.

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A headbanger.

What do you get when you cross a skunk and Frankenstein? - Stinkenstein.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS

“When someone tells you that nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.” - Anon

“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow-blower or vacuum cleaner.” - Ben Bergor

If a nickel knew its true worth today, it would feel like two cents.

Traffic light: Apparatus that a turns red when your car approaches.

Self control: The ability to eat only one peanut.

Opera: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings.

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

HE WHO SERVES

by Edgar Guest

He has not served who gathers gold,
Nor has he served, whose life is told
In selfish battles he has won,
Or deeds of skill that he has done;
But he has served who now and then
Has helped along his fellow men.

The world needs many men today;
Red-blooded men along life’s way,
With cheerful smiles and helping hands,
And with the faith that understands
The beauty of the simple deed
Which serves another’s hour of need.

(First and second verses)

LADDIES

by Edgar Guest

Show me the boy who never threw
A stone as someone’s cat,
Or never hurled a snowball swift
At someone’s high silk hat –
Who never ran away from school,
To seek the swimming hole,
Or slyly from his neighbor’s yard
Green apples never stole –

Show me the boy who never broke
A pane of window glass,
Who never disobeyed the sign
That says: “Keep of the grass.”
Who never did a thousand things,
That grieve us sore to tell,
And I’ll show you a little boy
Who must be far from well.

HUMOR

Bill, age 92 and Jane, age 89, were all excited about their decision to get married. Then one fine day they decided to go for a walk, and discuss their wedding plans, and on the way they passed by a drug store. Bill suggested that they go in and ask the pharmacist a few questions. Bill said, “We are about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?” “Yes,” the pharmacist replied. Next he asked the pharmacist if he sold medicine for rheumatism, memory difficulty, sleeping problems and Parkinson’s disease. Finally he asked if the drug store sold wheelchairs, walkers and canes. The pharmacists informed Bill that they sold all of these items. Bill responded, “Then we would like to use your store as our Bridal Registry.”

If a podiatrist gets stuck paying the bill for dinner with friends at a restaurant, I suppose that he has “to foot the bill.” (Thanks Dorothy),

“I have to sit down to consider where I stand on this issue.” - Anon

“I would stop eating chocolate but I’m not a quitter.” - Anon

The book, “Speaking French” was written by Lorna Lang Wedge.

WILLIAM R. COOPER

The following excerpts are from an article by Larry Behlert in the July 11, 1968 issue of the TRI-COUNTY TIMES:

William Cooper, born in Colchester, England in 1889, held the office of church curator at the Bryn Athyn Cathedral for close to fifty years…. After seven years as clock-maker apprentice in Colchester, Cooper made the first of 20 trips he was to take across the Atlantic Ocean…. At only 21 he got a job with the J.E. Caldwell [Company] working with clocks. He also spent time with the Brettinger and Sons, known as the American Cuckoo Clock Company. After World War I broke out, Cooper went to work for the Remington Arms Company in Eddystone [Pa.]. Near the end of the war he enlisted in the Canadian Army, working with [the] gymnastics squad….After the war, jobs were scarce but Cooper managed to get back into his clockwork until he finally came to Bryn Athyn. There he was appointed to the position he was to hold for the next 40 [46] years….William Cooper brought up seven children.

AWAKENING

“The longer I live, the more my mind dwells upon the beauty and the wonder of the world. I hardly know which feeling leads: wonderment or admiration.” - John Burroughs

“To be surprised, to wonder, is to begin to understand.” - Jose Ortega y Gasset

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all that I have not seen.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Their [angels] miraculous activities are…accomplished in a manner so unobtrusive and so subtle that mortals are ignorant of their presence.” - Matthew Bunson

“I swear to you that there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.” - Walt Whitman

“When it seems hardest to pray, pray hardest.” - Hugh Black

RULES FOR GOOD GRAMMAR

Avoid commas, that are not necessary.

Never use no double negatives.

And do not start a sentence with a conjunction.

Avoid un-necessary hyphens.

Alwayz check your spelling.

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Do not overuse exclamation marks!!!

Don’t use contradictions.

Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague.

ALSO IT IS CORRECT TO:

Say “Between you and me” and not “Between you and I.”

Say “I feel bad” and not “I feel badly.”

Say “I need to lie down” and not “I need to lay down.”

Say “I could have” and not “I could of.”

Say “I hope something will happen” and not, “Hopefully something will happen” because “hopefully” means “in a hopeful manner.”

QUOTATIONS

“To me old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” - B. Baruch

“One picture is worth a thousand words.” - Frederick R. Barnard

“Make do and mend.” - 1940’s wartime slogan

“A camel is a horse designed by a committee.” - Anonymous

“What’s the use of worrying? It never was worthwhile. So, pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag, and smile, smile, smile.” - George Asaf from the 1915 song Pack up your Troubles

“God bless America, Land that I love, Stand beside her and guide her Thru the night with a light from above. From the mountains to the Prairies, To the oceans white with foam, God bless America, My home home sweet home.” - Irving Berlin (Israel Baline) 1888-1989

JOE GILLIS: “You used to be in pictures. You used to be big.”
NORMA DESMOND: “I am big. It’s the pictures that got small.” - (From the movie Sunset Boulevard 1950)

“I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. but I strongly object when they start shaking them to make sure they are still going.” - William Norman Birkett (1883-1962)

HUMOR

OLD-FASHIONED WORDS:

Flibbertigibbet = a flighty person

A high-muck-a- muck = a conceited person

A school principal received a phone call. The voice said, “Thomas Bradley won’t be in school today.” The principal was a bit suspicious of the voice. He asked, “Who is speaking?” The voice replied, “My father.”

A young man of 12 was a dedicated stamp collector. Then the boy next door began to buy the same stamps he bought. This was frustrating to the 12 year-old and he told his father that this had taken the fun out of his stamp collecting. His father replied, “Don’t be unhappy son. Remember that imitation is the sincerest form of philately.”

Once upon a time there were two cavemen trying to move a large stone. They used a large tree-trunk as a fulcrum, but to no avail. Try as they might they could not budge that rock. Then along came Nate, a really BIG caveman, who easily picked up the stone and moved it. The moral of this story? Better Nate than lever! (Thanks Alfie!)