NOVEMBER 2009

My Parents

By Alfred Sandstrom

I was a difficult child, and therein is a tale. You know my parents as Erik and Bernice; I know them fondly as Dad and Mom.

Being the middle child in a six-kid family has everything to do with me being known as “the family tease”. I was always vying for attention from either my siblings or my parents. Attention from my parents too often took the form of discipline due to outraged screams from one or more of my siblings because of some grievous prank planned and executed by myself.

Dad, being primarily preoccupied with deep doctrinal or pastoral conundrums, was mostly shielded from these my endeavors, but not so my Mom! My misdeeds sparked in her not just proper punishments, but also her ingenious creativity. She fashioned a pair of cut-out paper figures which were displayed on a very high shelf on a book case. One was of a very pretty angel, and was placed in front of the radio as long as I was (relatively!) good. The other one was hidden behind and woe the times when he came out! A hideous devil with a red face and horns! I hated that apparition and carried on fiercely to make him go away! Mom would just silently cross her arms and look at me with a raised eyebrow. I knew that only apologies for my misdeeds and calm behavior would retire that awful guy back behind the radio.

Dad taught by example: I recall him pointing out the fact that a gentleman walking with a woman on a sidewalk always walked on the curbside. “That”, he explained, “was so that any vehicle passing on the road would not splash the lady from roadside puddles.”

One particularly memorable lesson occurred on the occasion of my departure from Portsmouth, England en route to Bryn Athyn at the age of 17. Dad pointed out a very distinguished looking, but very black, gentleman. “Did you notice,” he said, “how that porter just addressed him as ‘sir’? You will not see a lot of that in America, I’m afraid. Do you see how wrong that is?”

Dad’s legacy as eminent theologian, pastor, Dean and friend, is memorable indeed. My Mom’s is equally so as the dedicated creator of exquisite little crèche figurines, some of which are still publicly displayed, much to the delight of all her progeny.

I miss them both terribly, but am happy in the trust that they are both carrying on the use of being “just themselves”.

P.S. - Years later I drew a computerized version of the effigies mentioned above in an edited version of what my Mom did for me. My version is a happy angel and then a very sad one. If interested, for your own kids or grandkids, I would be glad to forward the file to anyone interested as either a PowerPoint file or as a JPEG, or even a suitable color print for the cost of the paper and postage. (About $2.00.) The originals are about 9in. high. You may contact me at: Alfie's e-mail"

HUMOR

The pastor at Sven and Ole’s church was giving a rousing sermon on heaven and hell one Sunday. At the end the minister commanded, “Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up.” Everyone stood up except Sven and Ole. The pastor walked over to them, looked them directly in the eyes, and asked, “Why don’t you want to go to heaven?” Sven answers, “Oh, ve vant to go to heaven. But ve taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren’t ready yet.”

“I went up the greasy pole of politics step by step.” - Michael Heseltine

“You could literally hear the silence fifty miles away.” -Simon Bates

“Marie Scott…has really plummeted to the top.” - Alan Weeks

ALMOST RIGHT: She had just made it to her door when the car that had been following her caught up with her and shot her in the back.

The policeman said that the murdered woman was a died blonde.

Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.

“My wife cooks the way I had better like it.” - Henny Youngman

“I told my doctor that I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.” ibid

“Be careful when you stretch the truth too far – it may snap back.” Ibid

“My wife always lets me have the first word in an argument.” Ibid

Old deans never die, they lose their faculties.

Old Egyptian tourists never die, they just go senile.

Old geometry teachers never die, they just go off on a tangent.

PERSONAL HAPPENINGS

On Friday, September 4, I heard my doorbell ring. After opening it I saw Julia and Vita standing there. In unison they said, “Tomorrow we are going to Dutch Wonderland for three days.” Julia added, “We practiced saying this together.” They invited me to play with them, so we all went to their backyard and played badminton. You know, these brief interludes in the daily routines of life are not to be ignored, but entered into. Even brief conversations with friends can relieve us from obsessions with the daily goals we set for ourselves. Maybe the best thing we can do some days to participate in activities we had not planned.

During the second week of September Dorothy and I had a vacation in Ocean City, New Jersey. While having lunch at the Port of Call hotel, I asked the waitress for more iced tea. After a few minutes she brought me a second glass with a straw rather than just filling up the glass I had been drinking out of. That surprised me, but I guess that in a fine dining establishment they just don’t fill up the glass when you ask for a refill. Anyway when it came time for desert which I wanted to share with Dorothy, I asked for the apple, raisin, walnut tart and two straws. Both Dorothy and the waitress corrected me with, “You mean two spoons.” Whatever. I was so exhausted from walking about seven miles each day on the boardwalk that I had minor fog in the brain. But that desert seemed to clear it up quite nicely.

While dining at the Flanders I observed an elderly lady in a wheelchair and a lady about 60 years old, in conversation. The younger lady revealed that she lived in Holland, Pa. but had been much too busy this summer to stay in one of their two condominiums at the Flanders. After a few minutes she again mentioned that she and her husband owned two condominiums at the Flanders. The lady in the wheelchair, who had earlier in the conversation revealed that she suffered from diabetes, seemed unimpressed. Still the younger lady continued to glory in her wealth with every word she spoke while her grandson was screaming and tossing a ball around the lobby. When Dorothy finished shopping in the gift shop, we decided to join the quieter pedestrian folks on the boardwalk.

MORE PERSONAL HAPPENINGS

Sometimes it can be sort of embarrassing while playing with children. For example when I play hide and seek with the neighborhood kids, I often find myself standing alone in front of my house shouting “one, two, three….”as the children are searching for hiding places. Any passing pedestrian may get a bit fearful at seeing and hearing an apparent mad man having some sort of a fit, but I suppose that most of my neighbors know what I am doing.

Here is another embarrassing moment. On Monday September 14th I walked outside late in the afternoon and spotted a few of my young buddies on the road. One of them called out to me, “Mr. L we are playing hopscotch.” With a colored crayon they had marked and numbered squares on the road. After watching them play for a short time, they asked me to join in the fun. Well, I saw an approaching car and felt a bit embarrassed. But after it passed I proceed to jump from square to square to the delight of about six youngsters. However they soon departed to other interesting adventures. I stood alone with Irena – the mother of Julia and Victoria. She challenged me to play another game of hopscotch. I accepted and she jumped gracefully from square to square. Then I jumped, rather clumsily. When I reached the end of the squares I turned around and, of course, one of my adult neighbors was staring or was it glaring at me? He was new to the neighborhood and I do hope that he saw the hopscotch design on the road. Whatever – I’m a kid sometimes – deal with it.

On Saturday, Sept. 19, Dorothy and I were sitting in a park along the Delaware River in New Hope. A group of Russians sat next to us. One man, about 65 years old, presented himself as an expert on New Hope. He pointed toward the other side of the river, and declared, “That is New Jersey and we are in Pennsylvania.” An elderly man with him asked, “Is that Europe over there?” Dorothy whispered to me, “The Atlantic Ocean seems to have shrunk a lot.” I responded, “Yes it has, and now it has a bridge spanning it.”

PROVERBS

Age before beauty.

From bad to worse.

It never rains, but it pours.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Like mother, like daughter.

God helps those who help themselves.

OXYMORONS

An oxymoron is a combination of contradictory or incongruous words. It comes from the Greek oxys meaning sharp or keen and moros meaning foolish.

almost exactly

working holiday

exact estimate

paid volunteer

genuine imitation

definite maybe

dry wine

sweet sorrow

plastic glasses

SOCRATES (469 BC – 399 BC)

Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.

An honest man is always a child.

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

The unexamined life is not worth living.

Our prayers should be for blessings in general, for God knows best what is good for us.

One who is injured ought not to return the injury, for on no account can it be right to do an injustice; and it is not right

to return an injury, or to do evil to any man, however much we have suffered from him.

The end of life is to be like God, and the soul following God will be like Him.

He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.

Employ your time in improving yourself by other men’s writings, so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.

If a man is proud of his wealth, he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.

Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued.

Let him that would move the world first move himself.

It is not living that matters, but living rightly.

QUOTATIONS

“Better to trip in with the feet than with the tongue.” Zeno (300 BC)

“No one is watching until you make a mistake.” Anon.

“Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.” James C. Dobson

“When men destroy their old gods they will find new ones to take their place.” Pearl Buck

“A good man is not a perfect man; a good man is an honest man, faithful, and unhesitatingly responsive to the voice of God in his life.” John Fisher

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama

“See everything: overlook a great deal: correct a little.” Pope John XXIII

Walter Breuning of Great Falls, Montana, on his recent 113th birthday gave a speech from which the following excerpts were taken:

“The world is neither a prison nor a palace of ease, but rather [a place] for instruction and discipline.”

“Remember that life’s length is not measured by its hours and days, but by that which we have done therein.”

“The day will come when light and truth and the just and the good shall be victorious and wrong and evil will be no more forever.”

QUOTATIONS FROM EMANUEL SWEDENBORG

He regards all from mercy, and never averts His countenance from any; but that it is man, when in evil, who turns away his face….

Thus to him who is glad at heart, all things that he hears and sees appear smiling and joyful; but to him who is sad at heart, all things that he sees and hears appear sad and sorrowful….

Before anything is reduced into a state of order, it is most usual that things should be reduced into a confused mass, or chaos as it were, so that those which do not well cohere together may be separated, and when separated, then the Lord disposes them into order. [I recall, I believe accurately, one of Thoreau’s statements, “The constant erosion and decay of our lives makes the soil of our future growth.” RL]

…the Lord is merciful to everyone, and loves every one, and wills to make everyone happy to eternity.

The Lord guards man with especial care during his sleep.

For there is no charity apart from works of charity; it is in its practice or use that charity consists.

Falsity beclouds truth, just as a dark cloud does the light of the sun.

The state of evil spirits in the other life shows most clearly that those who are in evil and falsity are afraid of everybody…. Evil spirits take the greatest delight in punishing and tormenting one another; it is their highest gratification.

…angelic happiness is in use, from use, and according to use, that is, it is according to the goods of love and of charity.

The angelic state is such that every one communicates his own bliss and happiness to others.

(These quotations are from volume I of the book ARCANA COELESTIA.)

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

1. In WW I America and its partners were named the Allies. What were Germany and it partners named?
2. Who spoke Shakespeare’s words, “To be or not to be”?
3. The Constitution of the United States didn’t go into effect until 1788. Before that the U.S. operated under a different document. What was it?
4. George Washington was the first president but who was the first vice-president?
5. Whose face is on the dime?
6. What city is the capital of Canada?
7. What is the Dow Jones Industrial Average?
8. In reference to the Civil War, what state was the first to secede from the Union?
9. What religion is the Dalai Lama?
10. What historic U.S. document begins, “We the People of the United States….”?

ANSWERS

1. The Central Powers 2. Hamlet 3. The Articles of the Confederation 4. John Adams 5. Franklin D. Roosevelt 6. Ottawa 7. It’s an index that tracks only 30 of the largest public companies in the United States. 8. South Carolina 9. Buddhist 10. The Constitution.

WITTY SAYINGS

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

To ensure a perfect aim, shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I once prayed for a bicycle, but quickly found out that didn’t work so I stole a bike and then prayed for forgiveness.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of our childhood telling us to sit down and shut up.

“Ending a sentence in a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” - Winston Churchill

“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” - Lewis Carroll

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another direction.” - D. MacArthur

If ignorance is bliss he must be in a state of ecstasy.

There are three types of people in this world – those who can count and those who can’t.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground.

A clear conscience is sometimes a sign of a poor memory.

Never test the depth of water with both feet.

Saw it – wanted it – had a fit – GOT IT!