On a mild afternoon last October I walked over to my neighbor’s yard. Standing there were Julia (age 9) and Vita (age 5) and two girl friends about 8 and 5 years old. I noticed the rather plain and well-worn dresses on their friends. After standing there for a few minutes, Vita walked over to me and beckoned for me to lean down so that she could whisper in my ear. “The small girl is shy. Talk to her.” Then I noticed that these two friends were standing very still, not moving except for their eyes which seemed to reveal fear. I did not approach these apparently frightened girls and Vita returned to me and again repeated her message.
I really didn’t know what to do, but after a few moments, Vita walked behind me and with her small, but strong hands she leaned against my hips and pushed me a few feet over to where the girls were standing. Vita ordered me to talk. In desperation, I pointed to my right hand and in my best Ukrainian I said, “Aruka.” All the girls laughed, for, no doubt, I had mispronounced the Ukrainian name for “hand.”
Then the game was on. Vita pointed to her leg and said the Ukrainian name for it. With much self-importance I pointed to my leg and mispronounced the Ukrainian name for leg. More giggles followed. Following Vita’s instructions, for several minutes I spoke with as much self-importance as I could put into my pronunciation of Ukrainian names for various bodily parts. But after hearing and seeing the girls dissolve into laughter, I walked away. What is funnier than a pompous self-appointed authority, filled with ignorance, making authoritative statements?
The new girl friends appeared to be quite relaxed and they all ran inside Vita’s and Julia’s house to play.
A few days later, I asked Irena (Julia’s and Vita’s mother) about the new girls. She informed me that the girls were born in the USA although their parents were from Ukraine and they had rather low paying jobs. Maybe they had warned their girls to fear a stranger – me.
Anyway the stranger I got, the more they laughed. If only the authoritative figures from my past and perhaps yours also, had smiled more and told a joke occasionally, we might be emotionally more balanced, wholesome, and healthy. Hey, I hope you benefit from the humor that is a found in this issue of SUNSHINE MAGAZINE.
What did the man say when he lost a fencing match? Foiled again.
Men consider a ten mile hike physical fitness. Women call it shopping.
Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
A college basketball coach discovered a young high school prospect who was a dream come true. The youngster was 7 feet tall and rarely missed the basket. Unfortunately he wasn’t an academic whiz. The coach begged the dean to admit the young man. The dean agreed, saying, “I’ll ask him three questions. If he answers them correctly, he can be enrolled.”
The young man was brought before the dean, who asked him the first question: “How much is two plus two?” Furrowing his brow, the young man thought and thought, finally saying, “Four.”
The dean went on, “How much is four and four?” The young man gulped, thought deeply and finally said, “Eight.”
The dean continued, “How much is eight and eight?” Beads of sweat formed on the young man’s forehead. After an eternity, he finally said, “Sixteen.”
With that, the coach fell to his knees and said to the dean, “Please give him another chance.”
Has there been any insanity in your family? Yes, my husband thinks he is the boss.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You’ll be glad to know that when I asked my secretary to type this speech for me, I asked her to eliminate anything that was dull or confusing. So in conclusion….
Why don’t we ever see the headlines, “Psychic wins lottery?”
I asked my wife what was on TV and she said, “dust.”
from Alfie Sandstrom
I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please and one for the road.”
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unfortunately, later when they tried to float in it, it sank, proving once again that “you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.”
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they left. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
Here is a joke from Alfie’s daughter Linda S. Hill:
A young man asked a horse trader what he wanted for his mare.
“I’ll take a hundred and fifty dollars for her,” the trader said, “but she don’t look so good.”
They haggled a bit and, finally, the new owner left with his purchase. But he was back again the next day and was pretty riled up.
“What’s the matter with that horse?” he demanded. “She ran me right off the road.”
“Been blind for a year,” the horse trader admitted. “Told you she didn’t look so good.”
SEPTEMBER 28 A Bryn Athyn grandmother was taking care of her four small grandsons for a few days. She devised a plan whereby they would be rewarded if they were “good” and if they were naughty his reward would be divided with others. At the end of their stay their grandmother was saying how good they had been and how pleased she was, when the oldest interrupted –“At this rate, grandma, we’ll be celestial angels!”One of the other [boys] added, “Yes, and rich ones too!”
NOVEMBER 4 A bit of Bryn Athynania from the past; Friday Suppers and singing classes have been in existence for 76 years! Bishop W.F. Pendleton started suppers and doctrinal classes and Mr. Robert Glenn conducted singing practice on Friday nights, only they started in the afternoon and continued on into the evening. October 1885 was the date of the first of such evenings.
NOVEMBER 25 The book, Bryn Athyn Cathedral, the Building of a Church, is now published. Local copies ordered by Bryn Athyn residents will be delivered by the Bryn Athyn Boy’s Club….The first copy of this handsome work was presented – with standing ovation – to Mrs. Raymond Pitcairn in recognition of the accomplishment of Raymond Pitcairn.
JANUARY 13 Many in the [Bryn Athyn] community have been enjoying this series [Civilization] by Kenneth Clark. The Rt. Rev. Willard Pendleton has forwarded to the POST an impressive letter from Lord Clark received in response to his gift of a copy of “The Bryn Athyn Cathedral, the Building of a Church.”
Dear Bishop,
Your book on Bryn Athyn has arrived, and I find it deeply impressive. It must be very much the best Gothic cathedral built in this century, and it shows how, with the right inspiration, it is still possible to revive the spirit of medieval craftsmen.
I am particularly struck by the beauty of detail, which is a point on which most modern Gothic buildings break down. The metal work is really beautiful.
This is exactly what Ruskin hoped to do when he built the museum in Oxford, but alas, he had neither the time nor the group of inspired helpers that have made your Cathedral possible.
Your Cathedral also confirms my belief that really good work can be done in a style which is not current at the time. To say that one can only build in the style of one’s own age is a piece of contemporary nonsense, as one can see from the architectural history of Egypt, China, Japan and even Byzantium. What usually defeats the attempt to reproduce a past style is uniformity, and this you have most ingeniously avoided by giving so much prominence to the Ezekiel Tower.
I am most grateful to you for sending me this book, which I find both interesting and inspiring, and I only wish that I could visit the Cathedral in person.
Yours very sincerely, Kenneth Clark, LORD CLARK
God grant me the Senility
To forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune
To meet the ones I do,
And the eyesight
To tell the difference.
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?”
He smiled condescendingly, “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and child.” “Well, then,” she snapped, “why isn’t it?”
One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother wash the dishes in the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out from her brunette head. She looks at her mother and asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, mom?” Her mother replies, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry and be unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this for a while, and then asked, “So mommy, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”
An English teacher wrote these lines on a chalk board: “Woman without her man is nothing.” Then she asked her students to punctuate the words correctly.
A sharp nose indicates curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity.
A man sent his picture to the Lonely Hearts Club. The reply came back, “We’re not that lonely.”
Adjectives are not adverbs, so write careful.
FAMOUS STATEMENTS: “We’ll only stay five minutes.” “It won’t shrink in the wash.” “You can put it together yourself in five minutes.” “Come on, tell me, I promise I won’t get angry.”
Sven and Ole were driving their truck when they came to a bridge. A sign stated, “Clearance 12’.” So they get out of the truck and measure its height and find that it is 12 feet, six inches high. So Ole looks at Sven and says, “I don’t see any policemen around. Let’s go for it!”
“What kind of work do you do?”
“I work for the Bureau of Internal Revenue.”
“Doesn’t everybody?”
O’ Great Spirit
Help me always
to speak the truth quietly
to listen with an open mind
when others speak,
and to remember the peace
that may be found in silence.
by William and Mary Morris
BRAND-NEW - Brand-new has a long and honorable history. It dates back to the Middle Ages and earlier, when brand meant “flame or torch”…. The description BRAND-NEW in those days was applied to products – usually made of metal – newly taken from the flames in which they were molded.
GO FOR BROKE Go for broke was originally gamblers’ slang, though you’ll often hear it in sports announcing. It means simply to stake everything on one last throw of the dice or hand of cards. If you lose you’re cleaned, out of cash, just plain broke.
IF I HAD MY DRUTHERS has been common throughout Southern and Western America at least since 1875, when Bret Harte used it in his book The Argonauts. Druthers is a corruption of “rathers” and the phrase simply means “if I had my choice or preference.”
COOL ONE’S HEELS, meaning “be forced to wait,” is an expression that goes back to the days when the horse was the main means of transportation. When a long trip resulted in the horse’s hoofs becoming heated, the horseman had to interrupt his journey while his carrier’s hoofs cooled a little.
COUNTRY MILE is just a long as a city mile – but it seems longer because the spaces are more open in the country. Country mile is generally used loosely to mean any long distance.
GALOSHES – which sound like an item from hillbilly dialect – actually come directly from the royal courts of the French monarchs. In the days when shoes were made of silk and other kinds of cloth, galoches, which were a sort of wooden sandal, were worn to protect the shoes on wet days. Over the centuries these wooden clogs were transmuted into the rubber overshoes we know as galoshes today.
RIFFRAFF originally came to English from the French rif et raf, meaning “one and all.” Later, thanks perhaps to the influence of a Swedish word, raf, meaning “sweepings,” it came to mean the offscourings of society, the dregs of society.
GALVANIZE, meaning to spur into action, comes from the name of an eighteenth-century Italian physiologist, Luigi Galvani. While experimenting with frogs and other animals, he discovered that he could galvanize them by subjecting them to electric shock.
NICOTINE The name of the drug found in tobacco comes from Jean Nicot, a French ambassador to Portugal. M. Nicot was presented with some seeds of tobacco brought from newly discovered America by Portuguese sailors. In 1560 he planted them in France, introduced tobacco to his native land and thus achieved fame.
A tourist walking through Chinatown sees a building with a sign, “Lars Olafsen’s Laundry.” “Lars Olafsen,” he wonders, “how in the world does that name fit in here?”
So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, “How did this place ever get a name like Lars Olafsen’s Laundry?”
The old man answered, “Is name of owner.” The visitor asks, “Well, who is the owner?” “I am he,” answers the elderly gentleman. “You? How did you get a name like Lars Olafsen?”
The old man replies, “Many years ago when I came to this country, I was standing in line at the Documentation Center. Man in front of me was a big blond Norwegian. Lady look at him and say, ‘What your name?’ He say ‘Lars Olafsen.’ She look at me and say ‘What your name?’ I say ‘Sam Ting’.”
Lars and Ole are building a house. Ole is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail and hammers it in. Picks up another nail and throws it away. Picks up another nail and hammers it in. Picks up another and throws it away.
This goes on for a while. Lars comes over and asks why he is throwing half of his nails away. Ole answers, “Those ones were pointed on the wrong end.” Lars gets exasperated and says, “You idiot, those are for the other side of the house.”
Mama Gnu was waiting for Papa Gnu as he came home for dinner one evening. “Our little boy was very bad today,” she declared. “I want you to punish him.”
“Oh, no,” said Papa Gnu. “I won’t punish him. You’ll have to learn to paddle your own gnu.”
A woman phoned her husband at work for a chat. “Sorry, darling,” he said, “I’m really busy at the moment. I haven’t got time to talk.” “Oh, this won’t take long. It’s just that I’ve got good news and bad news.” “Look,” he repeated, “I really am busy. Just give me the good news.” “Well,” she said, “the air bag works.”
The Morelands and Bryn Athyn by the Old York Road Historical Society
The construction of Benade Hall, the first of the new academy buildings, began in September 1900. After the school community moved to the area, the first school was in the parlor of Charles S. Smith’s wife in Hundtingdon Valley in October 1894, and in February 1895, moved to the Glenn House [Glenhurst] to a room fitted for that purpose. In October 1895, the school moved to the newly built clubhouse. The final move to Benade Hall came in October 1901. The building was named for Bishop William Henry Benade, one of the founders of the academy movement in the New Church, who also was instrumental in the formation of the General Church.
Built for the family of Robert Glenn, Glenhurst, at 3095 Huntingdon Pike, was dedicated in January 1895 by Bishop Benade. It was of Elizabethan Tudor design and surrounded by walnut trees. After the death of Glenn in December 1901, his wife remained in the house until her death in 1938, and then a daughter lived there. Dr. Hugo Odhner and his wife bought the house in 1940, and an Odhner grandson lives there now with his wife, a Glenn great-granddaughter.
Located on the highest rise of ground in the area, Cairnwood was designed by the New York architectural firm of Carrere and Hastings in the Beaux Arts style. Ground was broken in 1892, and the house was completed three years later. The total cost was $161,638.82. John Pitcairn and his family lived in the house and following the marriage of their eldest son, Raymond, in 1910, his family took up residence in the house. When John Pitcairn died in 1916, the Cairnwood estate passed on to Raymond and his family, who continued to live in the mansion until Glencairn was completed in 1939.
Cairnwood Farm was located on the east side of Huntingdon Pilke across from Cairnwood, the home of John Pitcairn. The dairies provided milk to many in the community. Pitcairn purchased the Samuel J. Trank and George Blake farms for Cairnwood Farm. The main dairy buildings were those on the former Trank farm.
Some of Ole’s and Sven’s relatives froze to death outside of a movie theater. They were waiting to see, “Closed for the Winter.”
Ole and Sven were shopping in a large department store. But there was a sudden power outage and they were stuck on the escalator for 4 hours.
I learned something the other day. I learned that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess that they don’t like strangers coming up to their doors and annoying them.
Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy.
Man who put head in fruit drink get punch in nose.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Spelling is a lossed art.
Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
DEFINITION: Consciousness – the time between naps.
An elderly gentleman wasn’t feeling well, and became irritated with his doctor because he wasn’t getting better after five visits.
“Look!” said the doctor. “I’m doing all I can to help you. I can’t make you younger.”
“I wasn’t particularly interested in getting younger,” said the old man. “I just want to continue to grow older.”
Customer: I am sorry, Waiter, but I only have enough money for the bill. I cannot leave you a tip.
Waiter: Let me add up that bill again, sir.